Men!! wtf!

It's been a year and what a year it's been!
One question that is burning in my mind is, why do men get into a relationship if they aren't ready for it?
I had such high hopes for this relationship... but like always, get nothing but disappointment.  Why is it men feel the need to control you? To make you feel like a queen one minute and a failure the next?
Too old to be playing games... It doesn't have to be like this. 
I've never meet anyone that was so tit for tat... 
I don't like the person I am becoming, I don't like the fact that I am losing who I am because of another person.  No one is worth losing yourself!
Just hate the whole starting over... 
But something better is out there for me, just have to be patient and stop falling for guys with a lot of bullshit!  Should have listened to my intuition!! It's never been wrong, I just hate listening to it!!
 

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

from 2011 to 2012

Wow... what a year!
2011 had it's ups and it's downs
My son finally graduated and started college.
He also became a man that I am extremely proud of. He wants to fall in his Opa's footsteps and serve this country. I really couldn't be more proud as a mother, of the person my son has turned out to be!
2011 was my year to finally give up on a loveless relationship and concentrate on me!!!
No regrets, no animosity... you just realize when it isn't meant to be.

In 2011 my students finally reached a score of 99% on TAKS... wow! I would have gotten a 100% but one of my students had a grudge against school... oh well. Now we are on to a new test and a new challenge.

Summer 2011 was a lot of fun. Family, Friends, food, and alcohol... do you need anything else??
My friend Jessica was my major partner in crime!! What a blast we had! River road Ice house was a high light for sure...
Went to go see Mark McKinney in concert there, ended up getting a "cabin" with no sheets or pillows, lol... and getting locked out of "cabin" about 3am and sleeping in the back of her truck after trying everything to get back into the room!!! Finally got back into the room around 9am with a butter knife!!! lol
Hung out a lot with Jessica at Texas South, which is where I met him!!!
They always say that you will find love when you stop looking... and damn if it didn't!!!
The first time I met "him" I was less than feeling myself... a few too many Coors lites... but we danced and it felt good. I didn't let him know that I remembered what happened, but I do. I just didn't want to get caught up in another relationship that would go no where. I was content playin darts with my girls and just having a good time.
You made an impression on me... I remember you getting up and singing that night also, Creed> my own prison.
The next time I saw you, nothing!!! I mean nothing!!!! lol... whatever dude!!! that was my exact emotion to you! but now I know what had your attention... haha
August 1st I saw you again at TS and that was the night you would not leave me alone!!! lol
You kept asking me to dance and telling me that you would make me fall in love with you...
Long story short... we haven't been apart since that night and yes.... YOU TOLD ME SO!!!!

2011 ended with me finally getting my knight in shining armor!!!!!

2012 will surely be filled with a lot of emotion and new experiences. It is already off to a great start... peace, love, and unequivocal happiness!!

12-24-11

Wow... Life has really thrown me a curve ball! I have fallen in love with a man who I can't see my life without. He is everything that I have been wishing for.
I didn't think that this would ever happen to me, but it has. I always wondered what it would be like to have a man think that you were his everything. Now I know!! Normally I am better with writing my feelings down, but for some odd reason, I can't find the words that express exactly how I feel. I think I just have too many emotions going.
I am still scared that one day he will wake up and think he's made a big mistake.
I find myself getting lost in his eyes, just looking into a sea of happiness.
I find myself giving up sleep just to watch him sleep.
I can't get enough of his laugh, smile, and look of complete happiness.
I love that he is emotional about things that are important to him.
I love that he always puts me first, in everything.
I love that we have so much in common. We are each others ying and yang. I have never shared so many similarities with another person.
I love that he includes my son in the things that we do, and that he just wants to be the father figure that he has never had.
I love that he finds enjoyment in cooking, building, and planning for the future.
I love how we make love to each other body and soul!
I love that we can talk about anything and everything!
I love that on Christmas Eve, this beautiful man asked me to be his wife! Wow...
I love that he asked everyone in my family for permission to marry me... who does that anymore?
I love the fact that he was extremely nervous and for once couldn't find his words... The look in his eyes and the emotion in his voice was earth shattering... I couldn't hear what anyone else was saying, it was like we were the only two people in the room. I felt like I couldn't get the word, "YES" out fast enough.
I can't see my life without this man. He is my everything! Most importantly he has become my best friend, my lover, my greatest emotion!
I can't wait to become his wife!
Life... wow!

Could it be???

Could it be, that you are the one??
I am cautiously optimistic...
I want to believe all the things you say...
I want to let you in...
I want to be your one and only, but I am scared.....
Could it be that you are my knight in shining armor??
I can't believe how quickly things are moving and it feels soooo right.....
Could you be the one that I will finally give my heart to...
Will you be the one to hold it with both hands and not tear it apart?
Could you be my best friend and my lover?
I miss you when you aren't here and hang on every word you say when you are...
The way you look at me melts me to the core....
Your touch makes my knees weak and I can't wait for you to hold me in your arms...
Could you really be the one???

Steve Holy - Love Don't Run lyrics

You can take from an extreme high to a real low.
I don't think you give one seconds thought of how you make me feel when you cancel me out of your plans or say the things that you do. Or when you say nothing at all.
I just want to know, before I die, what it feels like to really be loved by a man.

Sarah McLachlan- Stupid (mark bell mix)

I am a fool when it comes to love...
I am a fool for you...
the one I want...
but doesn't want me...
When will I learn...
To let you go...
And worry only about me...