Men!! wtf!

It's been a year and what a year it's been!
One question that is burning in my mind is, why do men get into a relationship if they aren't ready for it?
I had such high hopes for this relationship... but like always, get nothing but disappointment.  Why is it men feel the need to control you? To make you feel like a queen one minute and a failure the next?
Too old to be playing games... It doesn't have to be like this. 
I've never meet anyone that was so tit for tat... 
I don't like the person I am becoming, I don't like the fact that I am losing who I am because of another person.  No one is worth losing yourself!
Just hate the whole starting over... 
But something better is out there for me, just have to be patient and stop falling for guys with a lot of bullshit!  Should have listened to my intuition!! It's never been wrong, I just hate listening to it!!
 

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

from 2011 to 2012

Wow... what a year!
2011 had it's ups and it's downs
My son finally graduated and started college.
He also became a man that I am extremely proud of. He wants to fall in his Opa's footsteps and serve this country. I really couldn't be more proud as a mother, of the person my son has turned out to be!
2011 was my year to finally give up on a loveless relationship and concentrate on me!!!
No regrets, no animosity... you just realize when it isn't meant to be.

In 2011 my students finally reached a score of 99% on TAKS... wow! I would have gotten a 100% but one of my students had a grudge against school... oh well. Now we are on to a new test and a new challenge.

Summer 2011 was a lot of fun. Family, Friends, food, and alcohol... do you need anything else??
My friend Jessica was my major partner in crime!! What a blast we had! River road Ice house was a high light for sure...
Went to go see Mark McKinney in concert there, ended up getting a "cabin" with no sheets or pillows, lol... and getting locked out of "cabin" about 3am and sleeping in the back of her truck after trying everything to get back into the room!!! Finally got back into the room around 9am with a butter knife!!! lol
Hung out a lot with Jessica at Texas South, which is where I met him!!!
They always say that you will find love when you stop looking... and damn if it didn't!!!
The first time I met "him" I was less than feeling myself... a few too many Coors lites... but we danced and it felt good. I didn't let him know that I remembered what happened, but I do. I just didn't want to get caught up in another relationship that would go no where. I was content playin darts with my girls and just having a good time.
You made an impression on me... I remember you getting up and singing that night also, Creed> my own prison.
The next time I saw you, nothing!!! I mean nothing!!!! lol... whatever dude!!! that was my exact emotion to you! but now I know what had your attention... haha
August 1st I saw you again at TS and that was the night you would not leave me alone!!! lol
You kept asking me to dance and telling me that you would make me fall in love with you...
Long story short... we haven't been apart since that night and yes.... YOU TOLD ME SO!!!!

2011 ended with me finally getting my knight in shining armor!!!!!

2012 will surely be filled with a lot of emotion and new experiences. It is already off to a great start... peace, love, and unequivocal happiness!!

12-24-11

Wow... Life has really thrown me a curve ball! I have fallen in love with a man who I can't see my life without. He is everything that I have been wishing for.
I didn't think that this would ever happen to me, but it has. I always wondered what it would be like to have a man think that you were his everything. Now I know!! Normally I am better with writing my feelings down, but for some odd reason, I can't find the words that express exactly how I feel. I think I just have too many emotions going.
I am still scared that one day he will wake up and think he's made a big mistake.
I find myself getting lost in his eyes, just looking into a sea of happiness.
I find myself giving up sleep just to watch him sleep.
I can't get enough of his laugh, smile, and look of complete happiness.
I love that he is emotional about things that are important to him.
I love that he always puts me first, in everything.
I love that we have so much in common. We are each others ying and yang. I have never shared so many similarities with another person.
I love that he includes my son in the things that we do, and that he just wants to be the father figure that he has never had.
I love that he finds enjoyment in cooking, building, and planning for the future.
I love how we make love to each other body and soul!
I love that we can talk about anything and everything!
I love that on Christmas Eve, this beautiful man asked me to be his wife! Wow...
I love that he asked everyone in my family for permission to marry me... who does that anymore?
I love the fact that he was extremely nervous and for once couldn't find his words... The look in his eyes and the emotion in his voice was earth shattering... I couldn't hear what anyone else was saying, it was like we were the only two people in the room. I felt like I couldn't get the word, "YES" out fast enough.
I can't see my life without this man. He is my everything! Most importantly he has become my best friend, my lover, my greatest emotion!
I can't wait to become his wife!
Life... wow!

Could it be???

Could it be, that you are the one??
I am cautiously optimistic...
I want to believe all the things you say...
I want to let you in...
I want to be your one and only, but I am scared.....
Could it be that you are my knight in shining armor??
I can't believe how quickly things are moving and it feels soooo right.....
Could you be the one that I will finally give my heart to...
Will you be the one to hold it with both hands and not tear it apart?
Could you be my best friend and my lover?
I miss you when you aren't here and hang on every word you say when you are...
The way you look at me melts me to the core....
Your touch makes my knees weak and I can't wait for you to hold me in your arms...
Could you really be the one???

Steve Holy - Love Don't Run lyrics

You can take from an extreme high to a real low.
I don't think you give one seconds thought of how you make me feel when you cancel me out of your plans or say the things that you do. Or when you say nothing at all.
I just want to know, before I die, what it feels like to really be loved by a man.

Sarah McLachlan- Stupid (mark bell mix)

I am a fool when it comes to love...
I am a fool for you...
the one I want...
but doesn't want me...
When will I learn...
To let you go...
And worry only about me...

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Story of my life...
Just when you get your hopes up...
they come crashing down!
Where is the man that is strong enough, secure enough, and mature enough to deal with a women who has everything but the eternal love of a man.
What does it feel like to have someone think of you day in and day out. A man that isn't afraid of emotion. A man that would hold you up instead of trying to bring you down.
Why are men afraid of a secure, confident, nurturing female?
This song IS the story of my life in relationships!
Giving up on being a hopeless romantic!! Just not in the cards for me in this life... maybe the next life will be better?

ADELE- MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE LYRICS!

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

"never getting married again"!

I am a magnet for men that say, " I don't want to ever get married again!"!
WTF... why do men feel they need to share that bit of information?
Wouldn't it be easier and nicer to just say nothing at all and just let the relationship end on a good note?
Is it advertising? Are they trying to see what you will do?? Or is it that they are afraid of actually falling in love again and being hurt??
Men say women are confusing..... I say, Men are wayyyy more confusing!!
Where oh where is my knight in shining armor????
Where is the man that will make all my dreams come true???

Honesty??

Why try to be honest?? People don't seem to appreciate it.
I have tried to live my life in the most honest way I know.
People ask me for advice but then don't appreciate it when I tell them the truth!
I don't like secrets, they just come back to haunt you later.
So why is it that people don't appreciate it, but they expect it!
To the people who can't handle it, I'm sorry.
I am who I am and I don't think I will be changing anytime soon....

Boys and Harley's

Wow...
There is nothing more exciting than wrapping your arms around a guy and holding on tight!!!!
The vibration, the excitement, the total freedom of it all!!!!
It's the modern day version of a knight in shining armor!!!!!!!
Thank you...

confused...

Long distance relationships are hard enough.
How do you maintain a relationship if you don't talk, text or write each other. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe it's not the relationship I thought it was.
I was fine before you showed up. I'm not sure what to make of this. Maybe I am just overreacting. It's hard for me to look forward to talking to you and then not being able to. Just not sure what to do with this. All I want is honesty. I know you didn't want to tell me what to do. I know I made the decision to wait for you but I think I need to find balance again.
I don't know, I'm just so confused and you're not there to talk to.

Faults...

Impatient would be at the top of my fault list. I want everything now... I don't like to settle for less. I have tried to be patient and things still don't turn out. I don't like it when a person doesn't respond to me. I have all the patience in the world for my students and my son, but little else for anyone or anything else. I don't know why?!
Quitter, if things aren't going my way... I just give up. I get easily discourage. If I feel that I am giving more than anyone else, I just throw my hands up and say forget it!!
Hopeless Romantic... while some may not consider this a fault, it is. I have this ideal guy in mind and if a person doesn't fit that mold, I don't want it. I have learned in my years to compromise my ideology but still find it hard to let go of the things I really want in a man.
How can you work through the faults that hold you back? How do you let go and just enjoy? How do you not look to see all the faults in another?
How do I allow my insecurities/faults to not get in the way of my happiness??

Snow Day 2011

One for the record books... it has snowed again in South Texas. What makes it so funny is that EVERYTHING shut down.
We must be the laughing stock of the north and east coast.
All major roads shut down, school cancel and most everything else is closed!
We Texans just don't know how to handle this stuff!!
We will drive in Hurricane force wind and rain, chase Tornado's, and not think twice about grass fires... but give us a little ice and snow... and we freak out!
Since we don't get it but once every twenty years or so... it is super exciting when we do. Kids go outside and play, snow men are made... even if they are only 4 inches tall, and snow angles are attempted.
It was an exciting day... but the ice is still a nightmare!!
I hope everyone enjoyed their snow day!!

Back Seat...

I am tired of being in the back seat...
I need to stop putting my life on hold and live...
Come what may...
I need to get back to me before it's too late...

My son never ceases to amaze me...

Today I read a letter to my son that I had written when he was born.
I had forgotten all about it until my mother reminded me that she had it.
So today I read it to him, we both almost started crying. It was my raw emotion after his birth.
My son had serious health issues when he was born and I basically wrote a day by day diary of his first couple of weeks.
He just sat there as I read it to him, because he couldn't read my handwriting, and I think he was pretty amazed as to what all had happened. The emotions that his father and I had those days were right there. He doesn't have a relationship with his father, but I think it makes him feel better knowing that his father actually cared, once.
After I got finished reading it to him, he kept hugging me all day and telling me how wonderful of a mother I was.... just melted my heart! How did I get so lucky??
I am absolutely amazed at the man he is turning out to be... he is so smart about things that i have no clue about. He wants to be a physicist, couldn't even spell it, thank god for spell check! I just get caught up in the things he tells me about science and the things he wants to do... Watch out world, he will be winning a Nobel Peace prize for science!!!
I am so honored and humbled to be able to call him my son!!

Wishing...

and waiting...
why is it so hard to be away from someone?
I find myself thinking about you all the time. I wonder what you are doing, what you are thinking, and if I ever cross your mind.
Time goes by so slowly... it feels as if I will never see you again.
I wonder what you will you think when you do come back. Will you still feel the same way or will you want something else.
I often wish I had spent more time with you.
I wish I were younger, so I can give you what you so desperately want.
I wish I could give you all your dreams and wishes...
Wish I would have known about your feelings sooner...
I wish I could feel your lips on mine...
feel your arms around me and hear your voice in my ear...
Look into your eyes and just get lost in them...
dance one more dance...
drink one more pitcher...
I want to show you so much about me and my life...
what I am all about, what I like to do, who my friends are...
you just saw a little bit of it...
I want so much for you to be a part of my everyday...

Exile kiss you all over with lyrics