Just wondering how someone can tell you they love you one day and not talk to you the next?
What does it mean these days to love someone?
Do you fight for them, even though you may not want what they want?
Do you still try to at least figure things out or do you just walk away?
And why does everything have to be a game??
What ever happened to being truthful and open with each other?
What happened to having a relationship? One in which you are supposed to be able to talk about everything. A relationship where you can express your wants and desires and still know that things will be ok.
I want forever, yes! But I also know that I want you! I am not sorry for telling you that I WANT a knight in shining armor, that I WANT a meaningful relationship, that I WANT to know that the person I am with, WANTS to be with me too! I know the pain you feel, I know the distrust you have, I know you don't want to go through that again! TRUST ME, I KNOW!!
It saddens my heart to know, that to you, I'm not worth the fight!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Getting harder
Why is it so hard to just wait?
I miss you and wish you would just call.
I know and realize that you can not commit to forever,
but would it be too much to commit to right now?
I wanted someone who would appreciate me, not use me for convenience.
Everything started out so great! What happened? How did we go from calling each other all day long to just once a day?
How did you go from kissing me all night, to barely wanting to hold me?
How did you manage to make time in the beginning, to having no time for me now?
Is it so bad to want to spend as much time with you as possible? Is it bad to want to know how your day went? Is it a fault that I make you a priority in my life?
I want so badly to call you, but I can't... I need you to want this! I need you to miss me, to appreciate what we had and to realize that I am not her and I don't want to go anywhere! I just want to be a part of your life and feel the love you have to offer.
I miss you and wish you would just call.
I know and realize that you can not commit to forever,
but would it be too much to commit to right now?
I wanted someone who would appreciate me, not use me for convenience.
Everything started out so great! What happened? How did we go from calling each other all day long to just once a day?
How did you go from kissing me all night, to barely wanting to hold me?
How did you manage to make time in the beginning, to having no time for me now?
Is it so bad to want to spend as much time with you as possible? Is it bad to want to know how your day went? Is it a fault that I make you a priority in my life?
I want so badly to call you, but I can't... I need you to want this! I need you to miss me, to appreciate what we had and to realize that I am not her and I don't want to go anywhere! I just want to be a part of your life and feel the love you have to offer.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Great Timing
Heart broken once again.
Where is my knight in shining armor? When will I find that person that will actually put me ahead of everything else? When will I find the man that actually WANTS to spend time with me, appreciate the things I do for him, and not get cold feet.
Why do men do that? Act like you are their universe until THEY decide they still want to be independent?
Whatever happened to love at first sight?
Whatever happened to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say?
Why do men tell you they love you, when they really don't? Has the meaning of love changed? I always thought that telling someone you loved them was allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The same way people will tell you that there is a difference between making love and just having sex.
Do men really think that women want to just be in a relationship for the sex?? Maybe there are women out there that are willing to do that, but sooner or later someone falls in love, and gets hurt.
This one hurts, I had hoped that the one had found me.
Where is my knight in shining armor? When will I find that person that will actually put me ahead of everything else? When will I find the man that actually WANTS to spend time with me, appreciate the things I do for him, and not get cold feet.
Why do men do that? Act like you are their universe until THEY decide they still want to be independent?
Whatever happened to love at first sight?
Whatever happened to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say?
Why do men tell you they love you, when they really don't? Has the meaning of love changed? I always thought that telling someone you loved them was allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The same way people will tell you that there is a difference between making love and just having sex.
Do men really think that women want to just be in a relationship for the sex?? Maybe there are women out there that are willing to do that, but sooner or later someone falls in love, and gets hurt.
This one hurts, I had hoped that the one had found me.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
TAXES
I thought I would get a fairly decent income tax check this year! Yeah, NOT!
Nothing was more depressing than filling out my 1040 and seeing just how much I wasn't getting back this year. I have always used my tax's as a mini savings account. Money to be spent to hold me over for the year. Not this time!
Being a single mother, working two jobs, I just figured that I would receive the same, if not more, than I had in the past!
Jokes on me... this was the smallest amount in years, and I pretty much earned the same amount as previous years.
Why is the middle class always getting raped by the government?? I thought that change was coming. I thought that the middle class, for once, would get a break! I was so wrong! It's hard enough to try and put a little back in the saving account each month, save for college, and keep money in 3 retirement funds!! WTF!! What do I really have to look forward to in the future?
It is so damn hard to survive on one income!
Nothing was more depressing than filling out my 1040 and seeing just how much I wasn't getting back this year. I have always used my tax's as a mini savings account. Money to be spent to hold me over for the year. Not this time!
Being a single mother, working two jobs, I just figured that I would receive the same, if not more, than I had in the past!
Jokes on me... this was the smallest amount in years, and I pretty much earned the same amount as previous years.
Why is the middle class always getting raped by the government?? I thought that change was coming. I thought that the middle class, for once, would get a break! I was so wrong! It's hard enough to try and put a little back in the saving account each month, save for college, and keep money in 3 retirement funds!! WTF!! What do I really have to look forward to in the future?
It is so damn hard to survive on one income!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Passion
“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”
Quote by Joss Whedon
Quote by Joss Whedon
Friday, November 27, 2009
Mortality
It scares the shit out of me when I hear that a person close to me has passed away. I stop and think about all the conversations that we've had. I think about all the times that I saw that person, and listened to their thoughts, dreams, wishes, and problems. I realize that I will never get to hear that voice again or see them again and it scares me!
What will people remember about me?? How long will people remember me? I haven't done anything that would put my name in the history books. I haven't invented something that will be synonymous with my name.
I have always wanted to do a movie of my life that would be played at my funeral. I want people to see what I was about, what was important to me, and who was important to me. I have gone to too many funerals where no one says anything about the person who has died.
As for me, I want a party!!! I want people to say what they really thought about me, it's not like I'm going to care.
Do you ever wonder if your presence on this planet has influenced anything. I think all the time, "if I weren't here, would things for the people I've met be different?" I don't know exactly how to explain. I know that's kind of a "duh" statement, but how exactly would it be different?
I wonder if my X would have ever joined the marines?? Or gotten out of the Marines to join the Army? Would he have ever met his current wife? They seem to be very happy with each other.
Would my neighbor have succeeded in killing himself if I wasn't there for him to talk to? Would my girlfriends have had as good a time without me, clubbin, bbqing, meeting guys??? If I hadn't opened my door for a friend, where would she have gone? Out on the streets? Into another bad situation?
If I weren't here would the students that I have taught been different? Would they have chosen different paths?
Would the men that I have gone out with ever found their true love?? I have that effect on men, it seems that when they break up with me they find and marry the next person... weird?!
We never realize the profound effect we have on each other. I have always tried to live my life to the fullest, love to the fullest, and find the positive in most things! You just never know when your last day on this planet may be, so I try and let all those that mean something to me, know just how much I care about them!
To all those who have touched my life....THANK YOU!
To all those that have touched my heart....KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
To all those that have crossed me.... I FORGIVE YOU!
To all those that I have crossed.... I AM SORRY!
I will always hold on to this philosophy: "Work like you don't need the money; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like nobody's watching."
Try to always have a positive impact on a person, because I believe it's easier to tear a person apart then it is to build them back up!
What will people remember about me?? How long will people remember me? I haven't done anything that would put my name in the history books. I haven't invented something that will be synonymous with my name.
I have always wanted to do a movie of my life that would be played at my funeral. I want people to see what I was about, what was important to me, and who was important to me. I have gone to too many funerals where no one says anything about the person who has died.
As for me, I want a party!!! I want people to say what they really thought about me, it's not like I'm going to care.
Do you ever wonder if your presence on this planet has influenced anything. I think all the time, "if I weren't here, would things for the people I've met be different?" I don't know exactly how to explain. I know that's kind of a "duh" statement, but how exactly would it be different?
I wonder if my X would have ever joined the marines?? Or gotten out of the Marines to join the Army? Would he have ever met his current wife? They seem to be very happy with each other.
Would my neighbor have succeeded in killing himself if I wasn't there for him to talk to? Would my girlfriends have had as good a time without me, clubbin, bbqing, meeting guys??? If I hadn't opened my door for a friend, where would she have gone? Out on the streets? Into another bad situation?
If I weren't here would the students that I have taught been different? Would they have chosen different paths?
Would the men that I have gone out with ever found their true love?? I have that effect on men, it seems that when they break up with me they find and marry the next person... weird?!
We never realize the profound effect we have on each other. I have always tried to live my life to the fullest, love to the fullest, and find the positive in most things! You just never know when your last day on this planet may be, so I try and let all those that mean something to me, know just how much I care about them!
To all those who have touched my life....THANK YOU!
To all those that have touched my heart....KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
To all those that have crossed me.... I FORGIVE YOU!
To all those that I have crossed.... I AM SORRY!
I will always hold on to this philosophy: "Work like you don't need the money; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like nobody's watching."
Try to always have a positive impact on a person, because I believe it's easier to tear a person apart then it is to build them back up!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Let the feelings go...
To need you is hard for me,
I have always taken care of everything,
it's hard to let go and trust in another.
Life is easy, relationships for me are hard.
I find that I end up saying all the wrong things,
or saying nothing at all.
I have always taken care of everything,
it's hard to let go and trust in another.
Life is easy, relationships for me are hard.
I find that I end up saying all the wrong things,
or saying nothing at all.
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