Mortality

It scares the shit out of me when I hear that a person close to me has passed away. I stop and think about all the conversations that we've had. I think about all the times that I saw that person, and listened to their thoughts, dreams, wishes, and problems. I realize that I will never get to hear that voice again or see them again and it scares me!

What will people remember about me?? How long will people remember me? I haven't done anything that would put my name in the history books. I haven't invented something that will be synonymous with my name.
I have always wanted to do a movie of my life that would be played at my funeral. I want people to see what I was about, what was important to me, and who was important to me. I have gone to too many funerals where no one says anything about the person who has died.

As for me, I want a party!!! I want people to say what they really thought about me, it's not like I'm going to care.
Do you ever wonder if your presence on this planet has influenced anything. I think all the time, "if I weren't here, would things for the people I've met be different?" I don't know exactly how to explain. I know that's kind of a "duh" statement, but how exactly would it be different?
I wonder if my X would have ever joined the marines?? Or gotten out of the Marines to join the Army? Would he have ever met his current wife? They seem to be very happy with each other.
Would my neighbor have succeeded in killing himself if I wasn't there for him to talk to? Would my girlfriends have had as good a time without me, clubbin, bbqing, meeting guys??? If I hadn't opened my door for a friend, where would she have gone? Out on the streets? Into another bad situation?
If I weren't here would the students that I have taught been different? Would they have chosen different paths?
Would the men that I have gone out with ever found their true love?? I have that effect on men, it seems that when they break up with me they find and marry the next person... weird?!
We never realize the profound effect we have on each other. I have always tried to live my life to the fullest, love to the fullest, and find the positive in most things! You just never know when your last day on this planet may be, so I try and let all those that mean something to me, know just how much I care about them!
To all those who have touched my life....THANK YOU!
To all those that have touched my heart....KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
To all those that have crossed me.... I FORGIVE YOU!
To all those that I have crossed.... I AM SORRY!
I will always hold on to this philosophy: "Work like you don't need the money; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like nobody's watching."
Try to always have a positive impact on a person, because I believe it's easier to tear a person apart then it is to build them back up!

Let the feelings go...

To need you is hard for me,
I have always taken care of everything,
it's hard to let go and trust in another.
Life is easy, relationships for me are hard.
I find that I end up saying all the wrong things,
or saying nothing at all.

Why be in a relationship?

I wonder, why be in a relationship with another person if your still going to be lonely?
Isn't the point of being in a relationship so that you can BE with another person?
I mean, why start something if you know that time is your enemy?
Every moment that could be spent together, should be spent together... no matter how small a time that may be.
For some, just hearing the other person's voice is considered time spent together. Getting an unexpected visit, even for just a few hours is precious. Having your phone ring with a text message, saying how much they miss you is enough. Planning a unexpected meeting somewhere for a few minutes, just to look into each others eyes, is magical.
We get into relationships for the excitement of it, the getting to know a whole other person and what they like to do? What surprises are they going to have for you and you for them? Learning how much you are alike or not alike? Talking about nothing and everything?
Relationships are all about the butterflies and feeling like you are the only two people on the planet that feel this way about each other. Relationships are about being able to accept the flaws and faults of the other person and still have those butterflies.
Relationships are also about planning a possible future together. That does not necessarily mean long term, but what are we doing next weekend, next month, or next year.

Can a person expect to be in a relationship if there is no time spent on the relationship?? I think the old saying is true, " you get out of it, what you put into it".
We are all busy in our day to day lives, and we can get caught up in the mundane of it, but just take a little time out for the one you love and let them know just how much you care.
One shouldn't feel lonely if they are in a relationship that truly matters.

Queen or Bitch???

Question? Is the saying, "treat a queen like a bitch and a bitch like a queen" true?
I have found, in my small little world, that this is actually a true statement!
I have seen women, who are complete bitches to their partner, get treated like a queen. Is this what men really want? Is it for the thrill of never knowing whether or not your respected as a partner, the turn on?? Do men prefer to have a women that argues and treats them like crap?
I know of three women that treat their men like dirt! Yet the men stick around and don't seem to mind. I am confused?? Why?
I would think that men would prefer to be treated as a man, not a dog. I would think that respect for the other person is a top priority, not seeing who can out tongue lash the other?
Maybe I live in a fantasy world, where love and respect for each other is more important than arguing and belittling each other.
Why do men, and women, stay in these relationships?
Why do men treat women who are nice, thoughtful, respectful, and caring like a bitch?
I never have understood that.
Aren't we always told to treat others like we want to be treated? So what do you do when it doesn't happen? And what do you tell a friend that is in a toxic relationship and can't get out?
What do you do when you are in a relationship that is not appreciated or respected?
I know, the easy answer is... get out! But what if it isn't that easy?
I don't mean to sound like an idealist, but as a women... why can't the nice girls meet a nice guy and vice versa. Why do women feel they need to control a man?
Is there some underlying thrill for a guy to have a girl tell him everything to do?
Do men secretly need a women to tell them what to do???

Is it the thrill of the hunt????

I secretly think that it is... Where's my shotgun!