Mortality

It scares the shit out of me when I hear that a person close to me has passed away. I stop and think about all the conversations that we've had. I think about all the times that I saw that person, and listened to their thoughts, dreams, wishes, and problems. I realize that I will never get to hear that voice again or see them again and it scares me!

What will people remember about me?? How long will people remember me? I haven't done anything that would put my name in the history books. I haven't invented something that will be synonymous with my name.
I have always wanted to do a movie of my life that would be played at my funeral. I want people to see what I was about, what was important to me, and who was important to me. I have gone to too many funerals where no one says anything about the person who has died.

As for me, I want a party!!! I want people to say what they really thought about me, it's not like I'm going to care.
Do you ever wonder if your presence on this planet has influenced anything. I think all the time, "if I weren't here, would things for the people I've met be different?" I don't know exactly how to explain. I know that's kind of a "duh" statement, but how exactly would it be different?
I wonder if my X would have ever joined the marines?? Or gotten out of the Marines to join the Army? Would he have ever met his current wife? They seem to be very happy with each other.
Would my neighbor have succeeded in killing himself if I wasn't there for him to talk to? Would my girlfriends have had as good a time without me, clubbin, bbqing, meeting guys??? If I hadn't opened my door for a friend, where would she have gone? Out on the streets? Into another bad situation?
If I weren't here would the students that I have taught been different? Would they have chosen different paths?
Would the men that I have gone out with ever found their true love?? I have that effect on men, it seems that when they break up with me they find and marry the next person... weird?!
We never realize the profound effect we have on each other. I have always tried to live my life to the fullest, love to the fullest, and find the positive in most things! You just never know when your last day on this planet may be, so I try and let all those that mean something to me, know just how much I care about them!
To all those who have touched my life....THANK YOU!
To all those that have touched my heart....KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
To all those that have crossed me.... I FORGIVE YOU!
To all those that I have crossed.... I AM SORRY!
I will always hold on to this philosophy: "Work like you don't need the money; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like nobody's watching."
Try to always have a positive impact on a person, because I believe it's easier to tear a person apart then it is to build them back up!