I feel the winds are changing and I am for once embracing them.
I have always been afraid of getting too close to someone or letting someone get close to me. Each time the heart gets broken another brick goes up around the heart I try so hard to protect, but that I give completely. How is it possible to allow someone to come in and knock it all down. Hoping and praying that it isn't another let down. Wanting to see if this will be the person to take all the worries away and be my everything.
In past relationships, the fire burned hot at the beginning but then died very quickly. I've tried to use different strategies with relationships; playing hard to get, not playing hard to get, being girlie, being confident, being meek, and just trying to be me....
I've noticed all I have to be is myself... what a nice feeling that is. I don't have to pretend to like things that I really don't... don't have to save face to keep from getting into an argument. I can actually say something, and he listens... He actually wants to know what MY interests are and appreciates them! He takes time to make sure that I am happy! He appreciates honesty and lives by it!
Can couples overcome age? Location? Hardships? What is the key? Is it that no matter what, you look into each others eyes and realize how you fell in love in the first place??
Is it normal to always laugh with that person?? That they make you happy just doing nothing except looking at you?
God, I hope this is not a dream..... because you make it easy to fall in love with you!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Feelin Like a Teenager!!
You make me feel like a teenager again...
the way you look into my eyes...
the way you hold my hand...
the way you kiss me with all that you are...
Your words swim in my head and make me smile....
Your eyes make me want to go to the ends of the earth with you...
I have so much I want to say, but yes, I am afraid...
I want to trust and listen to my heart,
but I am scared...
I want to just jump in with both feet and not care about anything else except us...
I know what I am feeling for you!
And I will trust in my heart to tell me what is right... although I already know the answer...
the way you look into my eyes...
the way you hold my hand...
the way you kiss me with all that you are...
Your words swim in my head and make me smile....
Your eyes make me want to go to the ends of the earth with you...
I have so much I want to say, but yes, I am afraid...
I want to trust and listen to my heart,
but I am scared...
I want to just jump in with both feet and not care about anything else except us...
I know what I am feeling for you!
And I will trust in my heart to tell me what is right... although I already know the answer...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Death
Why does death always make you think about living?
I lost a friend this week. We grew up together and we are the same age. Scary to think that life was taken with so little time on this planet.
I wonder if I will ever find what it is I am looking for.
Death makes you want to make changes in the way you look at life.
Suddenly I want to exercise, stop smoking, and keep in touch with friends that I think will be there forever.
I wonder what people will say about me, when it is time. I wonder what memory will pop into their heads when they hear that I am gone??
How long will it take people to completely forget about me?
What impact will I have had on people?
Will anyone ever name there kid after me?? I have a really cool name!
Interesting the things you think about at a time like this.
I lost a friend this week. We grew up together and we are the same age. Scary to think that life was taken with so little time on this planet.
I wonder if I will ever find what it is I am looking for.
Death makes you want to make changes in the way you look at life.
Suddenly I want to exercise, stop smoking, and keep in touch with friends that I think will be there forever.
I wonder what people will say about me, when it is time. I wonder what memory will pop into their heads when they hear that I am gone??
How long will it take people to completely forget about me?
What impact will I have had on people?
Will anyone ever name there kid after me?? I have a really cool name!
Interesting the things you think about at a time like this.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Careful what you say...
I try to understand why people say the things they say.
Why can't people say what they really mean, and not hide behind "gossip"?
The saying is true, if they gossip with you... they will gossip about you!!
Gossip and rumors can be very hurtful. When you try to get in the middle of it, you end up regretting ever getting involved!
I am the type of person that will tell it just like it is. I can't understand why other people don't do the same! Life would be so much easier if people would just say what they really want to say.
I wish everyone would learn to appreciate everyone for their differences! If you don't like what that person says... tell them. If you don't like what a person is doing... tell them!! How can we learn to be better friends, lovers, and neighbors... if we don't say anything!!
Everyone wants honesty, but few can handle it without getting their feelings hurt.
Life would be so much better if we just learned to be open and listen without getting upset!
Why can't people say what they really mean, and not hide behind "gossip"?
The saying is true, if they gossip with you... they will gossip about you!!
Gossip and rumors can be very hurtful. When you try to get in the middle of it, you end up regretting ever getting involved!
I am the type of person that will tell it just like it is. I can't understand why other people don't do the same! Life would be so much easier if people would just say what they really want to say.
I wish everyone would learn to appreciate everyone for their differences! If you don't like what that person says... tell them. If you don't like what a person is doing... tell them!! How can we learn to be better friends, lovers, and neighbors... if we don't say anything!!
Everyone wants honesty, but few can handle it without getting their feelings hurt.
Life would be so much better if we just learned to be open and listen without getting upset!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Summer thoughts
Summer is here and I find myself still thinking about you.
I try to go about my life without you in it, but find that I still can't get you out of my mind. I want to go back and start again. I want to feel your arms around me again. I want to see the look of love in your eyes again for me.
Finding another is not a problem, finding one that is you... impossible.
I try to go about my life without you in it, but find that I still can't get you out of my mind. I want to go back and start again. I want to feel your arms around me again. I want to see the look of love in your eyes again for me.
Finding another is not a problem, finding one that is you... impossible.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Can't wait....
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Summer is almost here! Kiddo's are testing this week.
I really don't understand how a student can sit in a classroom for 9 months and not learn a damn thing! Teachers use all kinds of methods to get kids to understand concepts, but for some reason you still here, "but I don't know anything".
How can states and bureaucrats even consider attaching a teacher's paycheck to how a student performs on a test?
Anywhoooo, I am excited that this year is almost over! This year has been interesting. I actually had a real mix of students, from the really smart to the really ??? challenged (is that politically correct enough).
Can't wait to see what the summer will bring.
Next year will be extremely hard. My son will be a senior and off to start his life. Not sure I will be able to handle it.
I'm sure that there will be more than enough drama to go around during the summer, but hope that it won't!
I really don't understand how a student can sit in a classroom for 9 months and not learn a damn thing! Teachers use all kinds of methods to get kids to understand concepts, but for some reason you still here, "but I don't know anything".
How can states and bureaucrats even consider attaching a teacher's paycheck to how a student performs on a test?
Anywhoooo, I am excited that this year is almost over! This year has been interesting. I actually had a real mix of students, from the really smart to the really ??? challenged (is that politically correct enough).
Can't wait to see what the summer will bring.
Next year will be extremely hard. My son will be a senior and off to start his life. Not sure I will be able to handle it.
I'm sure that there will be more than enough drama to go around during the summer, but hope that it won't!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Can't breath...
I can't breath without you!
you still are on my mind night and day
you still make me nervous when I talk to you
you still take me to that special place in my heart
I can't breath without you!
The touch of your lips on mine
makes me tremble,
the feel of your hands on me
makes me want you even more,
the sound of your voice
sends chills down my spine
I can't breath without you!
I want you to hold me, always
I want you to kiss me, softly
I want you to make love to me, deeply
I want you to want me...
I can't breath without you...
you still are on my mind night and day
you still make me nervous when I talk to you
you still take me to that special place in my heart
I can't breath without you!
The touch of your lips on mine
makes me tremble,
the feel of your hands on me
makes me want you even more,
the sound of your voice
sends chills down my spine
I can't breath without you!
I want you to hold me, always
I want you to kiss me, softly
I want you to make love to me, deeply
I want you to want me...
I can't breath without you...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
What are they thinking?
When mandated testing got started they said that it would only be a measure of student performance. The test would help us to know how our students are doing compared to other districts and states.
Now this "animal" is responsible for the firing of teachers, and people thinking that teachers are the problem.
Has anyone been in a school lately, start at the elementary and work your way up. Have you ever just walked in and looked around. Listen to the conversations that the students are having with each other, notice all the girls that are pregnant, all the students with no supplies, all the gang bangers, thugs, and listen to the language that comes out of kids mouths???? Are these the faults of the teachers???
Schools got started with the teacher, not the administration, policy makers, and people who supposedly know what is good for schools!
No one listens to us! No one really cares! Politicians only use education as a platform to get elected. They don't really care what happens. When something needs real attention, the politicians seem to fix it with a band-aide or a grenade!
No Child Left Behind is a joke!!! Special Education is a joke!! Why are kids dropping out of school???? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T READ!!! It is next to impossible to fail a student in Special Education. These kids have been put into "regular" classrooms so their Psyche won't be hurt, never mind they read on a 1st-5th grade level in an 8th grade class!! Why do we have so many problems in math, same reason! Kids don't have to memorize anything anymore.
Whatever happened to the basics??? Oh yeah, we want our kids to think on a higher level, yeah... tell me how that is supposed to happen when they can't even think on a basic level!!!!
Teachers today spend so much time doing paperwork to cover their asses, that they don't have time to do anything else! Why do we have to put up with kids assaulting us? Administrators threatening us, and Politicians telling us we all suck!!!
I challenge them to go to any inner city school and teach for a year and then tell me who's fault all this is! Maybe then, they will come up with some solutions to "fix" education! Or the parents! Or the numerous programs put into place!
What was so wrong with vocational training? Why can't we get some of these kids out of school and put them in job training. If a student hates school and does nothing but ruin it for everyone else, get them out and give them some practical training!!!
Why is the teacher always the blame for failing scores?? Why is it that teachers can get fired for something a student does wrong or for the failure of the system?
It's funny but when we are going through our "state mandated" training for testing, I always ask, after being told that I could lose my license for this and for that... what happens to the student if they do something wrong during testing... the answer is always, NOTHING!!!!
What would happen if all the teachers across the nation were to go on strike??? What would the parents do?? No babysitter?? How am I going to go to work?? What would the government do?? Finally listen to us???
Last question... why don't you ever hear of them cleaning house with the administration of a district??? Why isn't the entire school board, principals, vice-principals, secretaries, administrative secretaries, specialists for each area, assistance to the assistant, and everyone else who gets paid way more money than I do, fired??!!
Just had to ask...
Now this "animal" is responsible for the firing of teachers, and people thinking that teachers are the problem.
Has anyone been in a school lately, start at the elementary and work your way up. Have you ever just walked in and looked around. Listen to the conversations that the students are having with each other, notice all the girls that are pregnant, all the students with no supplies, all the gang bangers, thugs, and listen to the language that comes out of kids mouths???? Are these the faults of the teachers???
Schools got started with the teacher, not the administration, policy makers, and people who supposedly know what is good for schools!
No one listens to us! No one really cares! Politicians only use education as a platform to get elected. They don't really care what happens. When something needs real attention, the politicians seem to fix it with a band-aide or a grenade!
No Child Left Behind is a joke!!! Special Education is a joke!! Why are kids dropping out of school???? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T READ!!! It is next to impossible to fail a student in Special Education. These kids have been put into "regular" classrooms so their Psyche won't be hurt, never mind they read on a 1st-5th grade level in an 8th grade class!! Why do we have so many problems in math, same reason! Kids don't have to memorize anything anymore.
Whatever happened to the basics??? Oh yeah, we want our kids to think on a higher level, yeah... tell me how that is supposed to happen when they can't even think on a basic level!!!!
Teachers today spend so much time doing paperwork to cover their asses, that they don't have time to do anything else! Why do we have to put up with kids assaulting us? Administrators threatening us, and Politicians telling us we all suck!!!
I challenge them to go to any inner city school and teach for a year and then tell me who's fault all this is! Maybe then, they will come up with some solutions to "fix" education! Or the parents! Or the numerous programs put into place!
What was so wrong with vocational training? Why can't we get some of these kids out of school and put them in job training. If a student hates school and does nothing but ruin it for everyone else, get them out and give them some practical training!!!
Why is the teacher always the blame for failing scores?? Why is it that teachers can get fired for something a student does wrong or for the failure of the system?
It's funny but when we are going through our "state mandated" training for testing, I always ask, after being told that I could lose my license for this and for that... what happens to the student if they do something wrong during testing... the answer is always, NOTHING!!!!
What would happen if all the teachers across the nation were to go on strike??? What would the parents do?? No babysitter?? How am I going to go to work?? What would the government do?? Finally listen to us???
Last question... why don't you ever hear of them cleaning house with the administration of a district??? Why isn't the entire school board, principals, vice-principals, secretaries, administrative secretaries, specialists for each area, assistance to the assistant, and everyone else who gets paid way more money than I do, fired??!!
Just had to ask...
What i wish you would say....
Spending all my nights and all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes I'm right back where I started again
And trying to forget you was just a waste of time
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
All day long wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up a smile and hide the tears
But as the sun goes down I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to god that you were here
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, is there nothing left for me
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, listen baby, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
I was wrong and I just can't live
Hall & Oats
Where is my knight in shining armor, where is the man that will make me feel special and wanted.
You will miss me, you will regret it, you will want to say more... but won't because you don't want to be vulnerable. I understand.
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes I'm right back where I started again
And trying to forget you was just a waste of time
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
All day long wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up a smile and hide the tears
But as the sun goes down I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to god that you were here
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, is there nothing left for me
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, listen baby, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you
I was wrong and I just can't live
Hall & Oats
Where is my knight in shining armor, where is the man that will make me feel special and wanted.
You will miss me, you will regret it, you will want to say more... but won't because you don't want to be vulnerable. I understand.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Not worth the fight?
Just wondering how someone can tell you they love you one day and not talk to you the next?
What does it mean these days to love someone?
Do you fight for them, even though you may not want what they want?
Do you still try to at least figure things out or do you just walk away?
And why does everything have to be a game??
What ever happened to being truthful and open with each other?
What happened to having a relationship? One in which you are supposed to be able to talk about everything. A relationship where you can express your wants and desires and still know that things will be ok.
I want forever, yes! But I also know that I want you! I am not sorry for telling you that I WANT a knight in shining armor, that I WANT a meaningful relationship, that I WANT to know that the person I am with, WANTS to be with me too! I know the pain you feel, I know the distrust you have, I know you don't want to go through that again! TRUST ME, I KNOW!!
It saddens my heart to know, that to you, I'm not worth the fight!
What does it mean these days to love someone?
Do you fight for them, even though you may not want what they want?
Do you still try to at least figure things out or do you just walk away?
And why does everything have to be a game??
What ever happened to being truthful and open with each other?
What happened to having a relationship? One in which you are supposed to be able to talk about everything. A relationship where you can express your wants and desires and still know that things will be ok.
I want forever, yes! But I also know that I want you! I am not sorry for telling you that I WANT a knight in shining armor, that I WANT a meaningful relationship, that I WANT to know that the person I am with, WANTS to be with me too! I know the pain you feel, I know the distrust you have, I know you don't want to go through that again! TRUST ME, I KNOW!!
It saddens my heart to know, that to you, I'm not worth the fight!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Getting harder
Why is it so hard to just wait?
I miss you and wish you would just call.
I know and realize that you can not commit to forever,
but would it be too much to commit to right now?
I wanted someone who would appreciate me, not use me for convenience.
Everything started out so great! What happened? How did we go from calling each other all day long to just once a day?
How did you go from kissing me all night, to barely wanting to hold me?
How did you manage to make time in the beginning, to having no time for me now?
Is it so bad to want to spend as much time with you as possible? Is it bad to want to know how your day went? Is it a fault that I make you a priority in my life?
I want so badly to call you, but I can't... I need you to want this! I need you to miss me, to appreciate what we had and to realize that I am not her and I don't want to go anywhere! I just want to be a part of your life and feel the love you have to offer.
I miss you and wish you would just call.
I know and realize that you can not commit to forever,
but would it be too much to commit to right now?
I wanted someone who would appreciate me, not use me for convenience.
Everything started out so great! What happened? How did we go from calling each other all day long to just once a day?
How did you go from kissing me all night, to barely wanting to hold me?
How did you manage to make time in the beginning, to having no time for me now?
Is it so bad to want to spend as much time with you as possible? Is it bad to want to know how your day went? Is it a fault that I make you a priority in my life?
I want so badly to call you, but I can't... I need you to want this! I need you to miss me, to appreciate what we had and to realize that I am not her and I don't want to go anywhere! I just want to be a part of your life and feel the love you have to offer.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Great Timing
Heart broken once again.
Where is my knight in shining armor? When will I find that person that will actually put me ahead of everything else? When will I find the man that actually WANTS to spend time with me, appreciate the things I do for him, and not get cold feet.
Why do men do that? Act like you are their universe until THEY decide they still want to be independent?
Whatever happened to love at first sight?
Whatever happened to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say?
Why do men tell you they love you, when they really don't? Has the meaning of love changed? I always thought that telling someone you loved them was allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The same way people will tell you that there is a difference between making love and just having sex.
Do men really think that women want to just be in a relationship for the sex?? Maybe there are women out there that are willing to do that, but sooner or later someone falls in love, and gets hurt.
This one hurts, I had hoped that the one had found me.
Where is my knight in shining armor? When will I find that person that will actually put me ahead of everything else? When will I find the man that actually WANTS to spend time with me, appreciate the things I do for him, and not get cold feet.
Why do men do that? Act like you are their universe until THEY decide they still want to be independent?
Whatever happened to love at first sight?
Whatever happened to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say?
Why do men tell you they love you, when they really don't? Has the meaning of love changed? I always thought that telling someone you loved them was allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The same way people will tell you that there is a difference between making love and just having sex.
Do men really think that women want to just be in a relationship for the sex?? Maybe there are women out there that are willing to do that, but sooner or later someone falls in love, and gets hurt.
This one hurts, I had hoped that the one had found me.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
TAXES
I thought I would get a fairly decent income tax check this year! Yeah, NOT!
Nothing was more depressing than filling out my 1040 and seeing just how much I wasn't getting back this year. I have always used my tax's as a mini savings account. Money to be spent to hold me over for the year. Not this time!
Being a single mother, working two jobs, I just figured that I would receive the same, if not more, than I had in the past!
Jokes on me... this was the smallest amount in years, and I pretty much earned the same amount as previous years.
Why is the middle class always getting raped by the government?? I thought that change was coming. I thought that the middle class, for once, would get a break! I was so wrong! It's hard enough to try and put a little back in the saving account each month, save for college, and keep money in 3 retirement funds!! WTF!! What do I really have to look forward to in the future?
It is so damn hard to survive on one income!
Nothing was more depressing than filling out my 1040 and seeing just how much I wasn't getting back this year. I have always used my tax's as a mini savings account. Money to be spent to hold me over for the year. Not this time!
Being a single mother, working two jobs, I just figured that I would receive the same, if not more, than I had in the past!
Jokes on me... this was the smallest amount in years, and I pretty much earned the same amount as previous years.
Why is the middle class always getting raped by the government?? I thought that change was coming. I thought that the middle class, for once, would get a break! I was so wrong! It's hard enough to try and put a little back in the saving account each month, save for college, and keep money in 3 retirement funds!! WTF!! What do I really have to look forward to in the future?
It is so damn hard to survive on one income!
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